i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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