I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
