ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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