If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
