I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
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Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
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Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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