We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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