there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize