Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
