what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
