she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
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What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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