I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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