I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
