Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
