I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
