Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
