Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
