I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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