What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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