Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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