i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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