Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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