You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
