just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
