I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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