Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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