You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Drunk is not a location!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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