I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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