She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
