I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
farters have to be the big spoon...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Randomize
