sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
