Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
