talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
