I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
