I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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