Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
