I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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