this must be what syphilis tastes like
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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