Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
