it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
