I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
