So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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