Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
