i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
