Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
