At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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