I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
