Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
