i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
