thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
