We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
