question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
