You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
