i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
