i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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