that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
