He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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