Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
