Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
