Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
