my soul wont recognize me after tonight
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
