I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
