you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
