ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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