Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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