I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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