Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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