my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
