my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
