We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
