Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
